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Stargate SG-1 fic: Blame it on the Heat

Blame it on the Heat
by jennickels (aka Jen Connelly)
Stargate SG-1
2059 words
rating: PG-13
WARNINGS: cliché!fic

There are some excuses that are just as overused and unbelievable as, “the dog ate my homework.” Too bad Jack had to constantly try and convince the general that they were true.

Try number two for the badfic challenge at stargateland . I’ve concluded I can’t write badfic intentionally. I can, however write cliche!fic. It’s actually kind of fun.

don’t own… wish I did, but I don’t. No infringement intended.


It was a bright and sweltering day on P5R-371. Better known as hell, Jack thought. He watched as sweat dribbled down the back of Carter’s neck as she trudged in front of him through the overgrown weeds of a once cleared field.

“Why are we here again?”

Carter glanced over her shoulder. “Daniel said the ruins here were important.”

“Of course he did,” Jack muttered, wiping sweat from his eyes. “Where the hell is Daniel anyway?”

“Already at the site, sir.” She stopped and pulled her cap off to wipe at her forehead. Her hair hung damp and limp in the back with her bangs plastered to her face in front. “He and Teal’c took the FRED around the other way.”

Jack licked his lips, his mouth going dry when she poured half her canteen over her head. He didn’t even think to ask why they didn’t go the way Daniel had. Swallowing hard he finally said, “that’s a waste of precious water, Major.”

She smiled at him, her lashes glinting in the sun and rivulets of water dripping from her nose and lips. “There’s a stream up ahead Daniel said. We can refill the canteens there.”

Jack made a non-committal noise. “It got fish?”

“I didn’t ask.”

A few minutes later the thick ground cover cleared into an open valley with a meandering stream running through the center. Along the banks bushes with little white berries and large trees with dangling branches, like weeping willows, crowded towards the refreshing water.

“Oh, thank god,” Jack mumbled. Carter gave him a little grin before taking his canteen and heading over to a rocky outcrop where the water was flowing over like a natural tap. Jack unclipped his pack, dropping it under a tree with his P90, then stripped off his vest and jacket. His t-shirt clung to him uncomfortably and he pulled at it trying to create some circulation. “How hot is it, Carter?”

She pulled a device from a vest pocket, consulting it briefly. “110 degrees Fahrenheit, sir. The heat index is around 120.”

“Ugh.” Jack gave up his fight with the sweat-soaked shirt, peeling it from his body. “Next planet we go to better be covered in ice.”

“But then you’d be complaining about being cold and your ass…” Carter turned towards him, stopping mid-sentence as she watched him. Jack wasn’t sure her red face was a result of the heat or her embarrassment about what she had almost said. He smirked at her. She suddenly turned away, her hand coming up to her mouth. He could see another half-grin pulling at her lips. “Sir, what are you doing?”

“What?” Jack asked, confused.

She gave him a questioning look, her eyes raking over his body. He glanced down at his bare chest. His socks and boots had joined his other things in a sweaty pile in the dirt. He dug his toes into the soft grass. His belt was undone as well as the button of his pants. He felt himself flush at her scrutiny. They locked eyes for a moment then Jack pulled his gaze away from her face.

“I am going for a dip, Major,” he said matter-of-factly as if it should have been completely obvious to her. She was a genius after all. He yanked his pants down. Carter turned around completely, her shoulders trembling with barely contained giggles. “What was that you were saying about my ass?” he asked her, trying for an innocent tone. Her laughing stopped for a few seconds. Jack rolled his eyes at her back.

The water was divinely cold, running just fast enough to keep from warming in the sun but not so fast that it took effort to stay upright. Must be coming down from the mountains, Jack thought. He could just see the peaks through the leaves of the surrounding trees. He waded to the middle of the stream, surprised at how deep it got, the water coming up to just above his waist. Then he dunked completely under. A sigh of relief and contentment escaped as a rush of bubbles, tickling his nose. When he resurfaced Carter was still standing where he left her.

Jack felt a longing build in him, one he tended to keep locked in the back of his mind. For good reason. His mouth went dry again and his chest tightened as he watched Carter watch him with a distant, unfocused look on her face. He was suddenly acutely aware of his near nakedness.

He swallowed the growing lump in his throat. “You coming, Carter?” he called, the words sounding more like a croak. He cleared his throat and that seemed to snap her from the spell. She shook her head in amusement then began dropping her gear. She stopped suddenly, dressed only in her pants and tank top and stared at Jack. He rolled his eyes and turned around. It wasn’t like they’d never seen each other in their underwear before.

“Oh, god,” Carter moaned as she sank into the deep water next to Jack. The sound sent shivers down his spine and blood rushing to other parts of his body. Jack tried to ignore his quickening heartbeat as Carter dipped under then came back up, water pouring off of her, head back, chest out, tank top sticking to her curves. This was probably a really bad idea. He licked his lips slowly.

Carter made a disapproving noise. Jack realized he was staring at her chest and quickly looked away, his face flushing. “Sorry,” he mumbled.

Carter just snorted a short laugh then splashed him lightly. When Jack tried to glance over at her again she pushed a much bigger wave of water at him. He managed to dodge out of the way, his eyes narrowing at his 2IC.

“You really wanna go there, Major?”

She smiled coyly then drenched him with a sudden rush of water. He sputtered, trying to laugh and cough at the same time then returned the splash. The water fight continued for several minutes, getting more intense and frantic as each officer tried to out-splash the other. That lead to more aggressive maneuvers. Carter ducked down to avoid a full body wave coming from Jack. When she reemerged Jack was behind her, grabbing her around the waist. She yelped in surprise as he picked her up.


“You are so going under, Carter.”

She struggled against his grip before squirming away, her body too slick for Jack to keep hold of. She grinned at him, a mischievous sparkle to her eyes that caused Jack’s stomach to flutter. “Not if I get you first, sir.”

Jack returned the smile, his eyes narrowing at his target. “Go ahead and try.”

Their posturing went on for a few minutes, splashes wetting them down periodically until Jack finally launched at a complacent Carter. Well, he thought she had been complacent. She easily side-stepped his attack. Jack lost his balance, his feet slipping over the uneven bottom until Carter gave him a shove from behind sending him headfirst into the water. He could feel her hands on his shoulders holding him under as he struggled to get his feet under his body again. When he came up, spitting out water she was laughing fully, a huge smile on her face. Oh, it’s on, Jack thought.

At his look Carter squealed and tried to run for the shore. Jack tackled her from behind, both submerging completely. She tugged and squirmed, trying to get away but he held fast, finally pulling her up. He had one arm wrapped around her waist, her wrist tight in his hand pinning it to her back and her body to his. His other hand held her free arm away from them as she continued to fight for freedom. Jack suddenly realized exactly how close Carter was and swallowed hard. She seemed to come to the same realization at the same time because she stopped struggling. They floated in the water, Jack half on the shore, Carter draped over him, for several moments. Her face was tucked into the crook of his neck and he could feel her breath, hot against his damp skin, coming in short little gasps. Jack felt his own breath hitch in his chest and he fought to force it out.

Slowly he let go of her free hand and it slid up his arm, resting on his shoulder. Her face turned slightly, her lips brushing against the tender flesh just below his jaw. He tried to swallow but found his throat wouldn’t cooperate. Time seemed to stand still and everything around him went fuzzy, colors faded and gray. There was just him and Carter and the heat between them. She sucked in a rattling breath before pulling away slightly, her eyes finding his. And there… there he saw the same burning desire and longing he felt pushing to the surface. His free hand seemed to move on it’s own accord, gently cupping her cheek. She licked her lips, her eyes darting down to his mouth and back up again. This was wrong, his brain screamed at him but hell if he cared.

It seemed like forever before she leaned slightly closer and Jack felt himself tightening his grip, his head dipping down. He felt an electric charge surge through his entire body as his lips made slight contact with hers. Her body trembled at his touch, her pinned hand squeezing at his fingers. Her breath caught and he was sure he heard a growl deep in her throat. That sent another wave of excitement through him. He deepened the kiss, Carter responding in kind, her hand moving from his shoulder into his hair.

“Uh, what are you guys doing?”

They both froze, their lips still pressed tightly together. Several seconds ticked by before Jack pulled away, looking over his shoulder at Daniel and Teal’c. Daniel had a huge shit-eating grin on his face. Teal’c had an eyebrow up in a slightly disapproving way. Jack let his head fall back to the ground, the water coming up over his ears. Carter’s head dropped to his chest. After a moment he could feel her giggling. He sighed and let go of her. There wasn’t even anything to say really but he had to say something.


“You guys, uh, didn’t happen to come through that field back there did you?”

Carter pulled herself together and sat at the edge of the water, her knees tucked tight to her chest. Jack rolled onto his stomach and looked up at Daniel, slightly confused at his change of subject. “Yeah, why?”

Daniel bit his lip then looked sideways at Teal’c. The Jaffa cleared his throat giving Daniel a look that perplexed Jack.

“Daniel, what?”

“Well, I was translating some books I found in the abandoned city. The civilization that was here was pretty advanced. I’m surprised they were so easily-”


“Right. The book was some kind of journal kept by a doctor or something. I was reading through the last pages and it mentioned some kind of blight that effected the rural community surrounding the town.”

“Blight?” Carter asked, color draining from her face.

Daniel gave her a reassuring look. “Blight meant any kind of illness or infection apparently. Anyway, the doctor concluded the viney weeds with the tiny blue flowers,” he jerked his thumb back the way Jack and Carter had came, “which were transplanted from the mountains held some interesting properties.”

“Like what?” Jack growled, getting to his feet. He didn’t like where this was going.

“Uh, based on what I read they were kind of like an aphrodisiac and inhibited people’s-”

“I get it,” Jack grumbled, rubbing at his eyes.

Carter moaned, burying her face in her knees.

Daniel continued to smile. “The effects should wear off in a little bit but the pollen is probably all over your clothes.”

Jack glared at him but it was Carter that spoke his thoughts. “So we can’t get dressed.”

Daniel shrugged, Carter groaned and Jack just hung his head. How was he going to explain this to Hammond? He wasn’t sure the general was going to continue to believe the “alien plant made us do it” line. He wondered if he could blame the heat.


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