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Stargate SG-1 fic: Don’t Drink the Wine

Written for the “Aliens Made Them Do It” challenge at [info]stargateland  because it’s such a fun trope to write.  And finished just under the wire.

Don’t Drink the Wine
by jennickels (aka Jen Connelly)
Stargate SG-1
864 words
rating: PG-13
WARNINGS: I guess dub-con ’cause they can’t really remember what happened

It’s cliché but so much fun when “aliens made them do it”. Daniel and Vala get caught after participating in a wedding ceremony on an alien planet. He really should know better by now.

don’t own… wish I did, but I don’t. No infringement intended.

“Up and at ’em, Jackson.”

A boot connected with Daniel’s side. He groaned and rolled away, snuggling deeper into his sleeping bag. His head was killing him—felt like a full marching band playing the 1812 Overture in there, complete with canons. The boot nudged him again, a little more insistent this time.

“Go way,” Daniel mumbled. He was vaguely aware of other voices around him but had neither the will nor want to get up or even to try and understand what they were saying. After a short discussion the foot ground into his back and shook violently.

“Get up.” Daniel recognized Mitchell’s voice but he sounded like he was speaking from a great distance. And through cotton. His brain fought to catch up to his senses while the treads of his commander’s boot dug into his tender flesh. Daniel frowned into the soft fabric of his bag. Flesh? Something wasn’t right.

He reached a tentative hand over his body and let it drift over his back and around the boot still planted there. Where the hell was his shirt? The foot moved and then he felt someone squat down next to his head. When Mitchell spoke again it was softer and closer to his ear.

“That’s right, Daniel, wakey-wakey. Time to get up and face the music.”

What was that supposed to mean? And why the hell was he naked? The realization that not only was his shirt gone but his pants, too, finally broke through the dense fog in his head. He pushed up on one arm and looked around, his vision still fuzzy from sleep. “What’s goin’ on,” he slurred then frowned when he couldn’t make his tongue produce the words correctly.

Somewhere behind him Sam snickered and Mitchell looked like he was enjoying things way too much. Daniel narrowed his eyes at the blurred outline of the man standing next to his head. Someone, Teal’c he realized a moment later, handed him his glasses. “Why are you all-” he started to ask when the world around him suddenly came into crisp focus. “What the?”

Mitchell snorted, eyes twinkling. “Looks like you had a good time last night.”

“I don’t remember.”


“That does not surprise me, Daniel Jackson, you were quite inebriated.”

“I was?”

“Vala, too.”


“Was goin’ on?” came a voice from beside Daniel. His eyes nearly bugged out of his face as Vala’s sleepy head popped up next to him.

“Mornin’ sleepy head.”

Vala rubbed her eyes and peered around with a look of confusion then fell back into the mess of blankets around them. Daniel realized a moment later that she was just as clothesless which caused him to vault from the pallet on the floor of his tent.

“Woah,” Mitchell said with a laugh, jumping away and holding a hand out to cover his view.

By then Sam was giggling almost uncontrollably and even Teal’c had an evil glee in his eye.

“Daniel, you’re naked.”

He glared down at her. “So are you.”

She pulled the sleeping bag away from her body to take a peek. “Huh. How’d that happen you think?”

Daniel’s frown deepened at the sultry way she said that and the all too easy grin that spread across her face. Sam erupted into full out laughter and was quickly joined by Mitchell. A glare in their direction had them sobering slightly.

“Perhaps,” Teal’c said, “there was something in the drink you partook in during last night’s wedding ceremony.”

“Ya think.” That got another guffaw from Sam. Daniel mentally chided himself for sounding way too much like Jack. Oh god, if he ever heard about this… “They didn’t say it was alcoholic.”

“Maybe they have a different word for it,” Mitchell suggested.

Sam handed him his pants as she tried to school her face slightly. “Maybe they didn’t know it would affect you like this.”

“Maybe,” Daniel muttered as he pulled on his clothes.

Vala was still lying in the tangle of sleeping bags looking completely unabashed. “I just wish I could remember it. Must have been spectacular.”

Daniel groaned, his hands coming up to cover his face.

“Why do you say that?” Mitchell asked.

“Because I don’t think I can move just yet.”

“Oh god,” Daniel muttered.

“That’s what she said.”

Sam busted out laughing again, Vala and Mitchell joining her after a few seconds. Even Teal’c chuckled. Daniel was sure of it. “How long have you been waiting to use that line?” Sam asked Mitchell.

“Awhile. You’d think I’d get the chance more often. But nope.”

They continued to laugh as they exited the tent, Mitchell clapping Daniel on the back as he went. He could hear them still laughing outside. Daniel glanced down at Vala who suddenly flushed a rosy shade of pink. “I, um,” he stammered, “I’ll be outside.”

“Daniel-” He paused at the flap, shooting her a look over his shoulder. “It was a lovely night, we should do it again some time.”

“Argh.” He quickly exited only to be greeted by more friendly ribbing and laughter. He was never going to live this down. Damn alien wedding parties. He really should know better by now.

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