Angel fic: Into the Light
by jennickels (aka Jen Connelly)
Angel the Series
“He knew then, no matter how hard, he’d make that dream happen. He’d see Connor walk into the light. And it would be the most beautiful thing he’d ever see.”
don’t own… wish I did, but I don’t. No infringement intended.
“You were right,” Angel said when he heard Cordelia approach.
“About what?” She sounded tired. And a little bit lost.
“Needing help with Connor.” Cordy came to stand next to him in the garden. Angel reached his hand into the light, his skin instantly prickling with heat. He only held it there a moment.
He glanced over to see Cordy smiling thoughtfully at him. “Of course I was right. This is Cordelia Chase you’re talking to.”
Angel couldn’t stop the amused snort that bubbled up. Or the foolish grin that pulled at his mouth. Cordelia always had the affect on him. He was rewarded with an even bigger smile from Cordy. God, he loved her. He quickly pushed the thought away. No point dwelling on things that would never happen. He felt his smile falter.
“What?” Cordy asked, her brow knit up with concern.
Angel sighed. “What am I going to do?”
“Everything.” He sighed again. “What kind of life is he going to have? Someone always trying to kill him, family that could be killed any moment, no mother, and a father that skulks around in the shadows. That’ll go over real well with the PTA.”
Cordy laughed. “Angel, it’s-”
“Don’t say it’s going to be okay.”
“I wasn’t,” she said with a devilish grin. “What I was going to say was that it’s perfectly normal to have those worries.”
Angel stretched his hand past the shadow again, watching his skin smoke. “Yeah, real normal.”
Pulling his hand back, Cordy sighed. “Okay, so your worries aren’t particularly ‘normal’. But worrying about the future is. I know things seem overwhelming right now but they’ll get better.”
“Is that a vision thing?”
Cordy smiled up at him, her eyes twinkling. “No, it’s a faith thing. Faith in all of us, the world, goodness, The Powers. And you. I know we’ll figure this out. Besides, it’s a bit early for the PTA to be involved.”
She continued to stare at him and Angel realized she was still holding his hand. His stomach immediately twisted into a giant knot that worked its way up to his chest. It constantly amazed him how she could turn him inside out with just a look, a small touch.
Angel tried to swallow but found his throat unwilling to cooperate. Cordy’s thumb made little circles on the back of his hand causing every inch of his skin to tingle—the kind of fire that burned from the inside, not from without. He shivered slightly as the heat traveled up his spine, igniting more nerve endings than he thought possible to have.
Cordy suddenly stopped her thumb, some indescribable emotions playing across her face. Angel couldn’t stop staring. She was so damn beautiful. And smart. And strong. And why the hell would she ever be interested in him?
He shook his head, hoping to clear the fog. The movement seemed to bring Cordy out of her trance. She dropped his hand and began playing with the hem of her shirt. Angel closed his eyes and tried to breath even, to center himself a little.
An uneasy quiet built between them. Angel thought he might explode if one of them didn’t say something. Soon. Cordy opened her mouth a few times but no words came out. She seemed to be trying to sort something out in her head. Angel waited.
Finally, she cleared her throat. “I should…” She hooked her thumb over her shoulder at the hotel. “I told Groo we’d leave early and have dinner. Just the two of us. It’s been awhile and I think he was feeling… left out.”
If Angel had a heart it would have been crushed under the weight of those words.
“I… ” She must have decided not to finish that sentence. Instead she headed for the door with a sigh.
Angel stared at the line where the light met the dark—a line he couldn’t cross. He was lucky he didn’t need to breathe because his lungs had stopped functioning at the mention of the Groosalug. He waited for the sound of the door, contemplating how quickly he’d burn up if he took just one more step. It’d be a lot less painful than what he was feeling at the moment.
“Angel,” Cordy said softly. He half turned his head—acknowledging her without actually looking at her. “I want you to know that no matter what happens… ” Angel felt his chest tighten again, an intense jealousy building inside him that he fought to control. “I’ll always be here. For Connor and you. To be the one that walks in the light when you can’t.”
The door clicked shut before Angel could formulate a response. Instead he took a deep breath, forcing his body back into action. In the garden, birds chirped; trees reached into the sky, swaying in the breeze; flowers opened to the warmth and nourishment of the sun. A sun he could never walk under. It was a gorgeous day and he knew he should be appreciating the beauty of it, but all he could see was the line he couldn’t cross. Both lines.
Angel glanced over his shoulder, Cordy and Groo just visible inside the doors. She hugged him tightly, a bright smile on her face. She looked happy. She should be happy, Angel thought. He wanted her to be happy. Too bad his noble gesture had to hurt so damned bad.
Just then, Fred poked her head out. “Someone’s asking for his Daddy. Well, not really asking because he can’t talk yet. He’s just fussin’ and I thought it’d be better to nip that in the… Not that fussin’ is a bad thing. He’s just a baby and they tend to do that and I don’t find it annoying or anything like that.”
Angel grinned in spite of his dismal mood. “It’s okay, Fred. I’ll be in, in a minute.”
The door shut again leaving Angel alone in the garden. He sighed. At least Connor wouldn’t be stuck in the shadows. An image of Cordelia pushing Connor on the swings at the park popped into his head. He smiled at the thought, a little of the cold inside melting away. He knew then, no matter how hard, he’d make that dream happen. He’d see Connor walk into the light. And it would be the most beautiful thing he’d ever see.