What I Want to Be When I Grow Up
So, it’s only taken me 36 1/2 years to figure out what I want to be when I grow up. I used to think I wanted to be a teacher. That’s what I always said as a kid. And when I went to college my major was Early Education. But the more I thought about it the more I realized I could never teach. For one I have severe social anxiety and the thought of being in front of class of kids terrified me, and two, I just don’t have the patience. Which is funny when you consider I have five kids of my own. I can deal with them (mostly) but other people’s kids drive me nuts.
So I changed my major to English with an emphasis in linguistics but ended up quitting school before I started taking any of my classes towards my major. Not long after that I got married and started my family (in the same year). Having three kids in just over two years left me with not a lot of time to do much of anything. By the time we were adding number four I had little interest in school anymore. It was tedious enough helping the kids with their homework. Add in kid number five and I was like, “why would I even want to try to go to school with five kids, a husband and a house to deal with?”
I think a lot of that was my depression and anxiety coming forward. I liked school when I was in it but the stress got to me. I don’t deal well with stress (part of my anxiety issues). In the last two years I’ve been getting help with my mental illnesses and I’m finally starting to feel better. I feel different. Like a different person. I guess that’s why my ideas for the future have changed. With the depression controlling me I never saw a future for myself. I twas hard enough to just get through one day. Now I have plans, wants for myself.
It’s been a real eye opener. So what do I want to be when I grow up? Besides getting a novel published, I’d like to be an editor. The book kind of editor but not for a publishing company. I’d like to freelance for now. I’d like to help out young and/or new writers with their first works. Teach them what I know about writing and help them shape up their first works. I know I won’t earn much money this way but it’s what I really want to do.
In that regard, I’ve applied to Ashford University online school to finish my BA in English. I was 74 credits in at Truman State when I quit but not sure how many credits will transfer. I talked to the admissions guy last Wednesday and the wait is killing me. I’m totally emailing him after I’m done with this post. I need to know if I’ve been accepted and got all my financial aid in order (which will put is in a ton of debt but oh well, when aren’t we in debt?).
For the first time in over fifteen years I want to go back to school. I want my degree. Not that I think I need it to be a novelist or to help newbies edit their stories/books but it makes me feel more legit. I even looked around to see if they had any graduate online schools in writing (found one that isn’t much more expensive than Ashford). Although I loved the set up at Portland State University (their graduate program is slightly more than what I’d be paying for Ashford) but I’m not sure I want to be in classrooms again. I probably won’t go as far as my MFA but I have thought about it as a way to better my own writing.