Editing the New Me: Tattoo
I did it. I really did it. I went to drop off an overdue library book and was driving through the next town over and I just pulled onto a side street, got out and walked right into the tattoo parlor (I had researched it first). The guy, Boomer, was amazing. We even chatted for awhile about the meaning of the tattoo and why I was getting it and how my life has been changing completely in the last month (for the good).
My husband knew I wanted to get one but wasn’t with me today. He kept saying I wouldn’t be able to take the pain. Um, for one he has no tattoos so how would he know what it felt like, and two: I’ve had 5 c-sections. Enough said. It really wasn’t that bad. There were a few places I gritted my teeth through but once he’d get going I barely noticed it any more. It only took a few minutes since it was so small.
The meaning behind the tattoo comes from the Semicolon Project over at facebook. In their header they explain: The semicolon is used when a sentence could have been ended. But it wasn’t. It’s a metaphor for those with depression and other mental illness that have thought about or attempted suicide. I says, “I could have killed myself, but I didn’t. I chose to live.” It’s not always an easy choice.
For those that don’t know at the end of October/early November of 2011 I very nearly committed suicide. I sat locked in my bathroom with the pills, shaking and crying. I didn’t know what to do. Ultimately I chose not to. It’s been a long struggled that last two years but I finally feel like my life is better now and I’m in control for the good.
The tattoo is a reminder of my strength and how I turned away from a “period.” The end. And a constant reminder that I did it once so I can do it again. I am strong (as Boomer kept telling me).
I am strong.