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Stargate SG-1: (Not) What You Signed Up For

(Not) What You Signed Up For
by jennickels (aka Jen Connelly)
Stargate SG-1
690 words
rating: PG-13

Vala said the mission would be a piece of cake. She could get what they needed. Why did Cam ever believer her? Nothing ever goes to plan. Written for winterjameson

don’t own… wish I did, but I don’t. No infringement intended.

“Well, this mission is going about as well as expected,” Cam said to Daniel.

“Really? I thought it was a little better than normal.”

“No one’s shot at us yet,” added Sam.

“See,” said Daniel, “better than usual.”

Cam kicked a rock, checked his gun. “Now if Vala would just hurry things along.”
“Indeed.”Cam snorted at Teal’c’s response. That one word could sum up so much. Just then the curtain, flew aside and a flustered Vala stalked out of the merchant’s stall.

“What?” he asked.

Vala huffed.

“What happened? Did you get the stuff?”

She crossed her arms over her chest. “Not exactly.”

Daniel rubbed the bridge of his nose. “Not exactly?”

“You said this was going to be easy. Piece of cake.”

“Yeah, well, I ran into a problem.”

“What problem, Vala?” Daniel sounded like he was at the end of his rope.


Cam sighed. He noticed the merchant standing there watching them. He looked about Cam’s age with wavy blond hair and wide shoulders. His gaze roamed from one member of SG-1 to the another.

“See,” Vala was saying, “here’s the thing.” She licked her lips, her eyes darting to the merchant. Cam looked back at him. The merchant was staring at Daniel. Slowly his eyes moved over to Cam’s, making his skin crawl.

“Vala, what’s going on.”

“I was trying to tell you.” She leaned in, forcing everyone to get closer. “The thing is my normal- uh, approach- didn’t quite work on him.”

“You mean he didn’t buy the vixen act?” asked Cam, irritation growing. “Can you get the stuff or not?”

She bit her lip. Behind him the merchant cleared his throat.

“Not quite.”

“Then what?” Daniel sounded just as exasperated.

Sam’s expression suddenly changed. She glanced over her shoulder at the merchant then back at Vala. “Oh.”

“Oh? Oh, what? I’m getting really ticked off here. Someone tell me what’s going on.”

“I think,” Sam said, trying to hide a smile, “is that the merchant wasn’t interested in her advances.”

“I get that.”

“In her advances.” She emphasized the word, “her.”

Cam frowned. Daniel had a similar expression on his face.

Sam rolled her eyes. “He’s into guys.”

“Wait-” Daniel said. “You mean-” he waved a hand between him and Cam, “one of us?”

Vala and Sam nodded in unison.

“Don’t look at me,” Cam said. “Daniel’s our diplomat.”

“I’m not doing it.”

“Come on boys, it’s not that bad.”

“Yes, it is,” they shouted at the same time.

Sam apparently couldn’t contain her amusement any longer. She laughed into her hand. Vala was smiling ear to ear. Cam hated both of them.

“You’re really enjoying this aren’t you?”

Sam nodded in response, unable to talk through the giggles.

“We need this stuff,” said Daniel. “Someone has to-”

“I vote Jackson does it.”


“Since when do we vote?” asked Vala.

“Right, I order Jackson to do it.”

Daniel glared at him. Then glared at Vala. “Screw you guys.”

“I think that’s what he wants,” Sam said through another fit of laughter.

Cam rolled his eyes. “Well someone has to do it.”

Teal’c cleared his throat, getting everyone’s attention. He’d been silent through the entire exchange which was… exactly like thim.


Teal’c held out a pouch. Daniel scowled, taking it from him. He peeked inside then his eyes shot to Teal’c’s before sliding past Cam’s shoulder. He looked back to see the merchant stretching, a satisfied smile growing on his face.

They all stared at Teal’c. No one spoke.

“Our mission is complete,” Teal’c said, walking past them all. “We can return to Stargate Command.”

Sam’s mouth was hanging open. Daniel looked a little ill. Cam shook his head. The only one that didn’t seem thrown for a loop was Vala. She hopped up and down, clapping, then ran after Teal’c. She smacked him on the back and tried to get him to do a high-five.

Cam just kept shaking his head.

“This should be an interesting de-briefing,” said Sam.

Daniel groaned.

“Don’t go there,” Cam said as they turned together to follow their friends home. Yep, about as well as expected.

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