Stargate SG-1: Can’t Fight This Feeling
Can’t Fight This Feeling
by jennickels (aka Jen Connelly)
Sam’s always known where her heart resides, she’s just always tried to ignore it. Maybe now it’s time to unlock that door and see what happens. For obsessed_psyco.
don’t own… wish I did, but I don’t. No infringement intended.
The sun on P2S-575 was bright, but the air coming down from the mountains in the west was cool and comforting. The civilization of the planet appeared to have died off centuries ago, causing Daniel to nearly wet his pants exploring the ruins of a castle that looked remarkably like something out of medieval times. Sam thought the place serene and beautiful. The colonel hadn’t been quite as enthused when they’d arrived, but he’d been quiet since. Teal’c, as usual, was indifferent. Sam wondered if he ever saw the beauty in the places they visited or if he was too jaded by his experiences in the service of the Goa’uld.
They walked through a meadow of wildflowers back to the Stargate. Daniel talked non-stop about theories and mysteries and archeological finds. Teal’c walked behind him, whether he was listening or not, Sam didn’t know, but Daniel also didn’t care. She smiled at the picture of them ahead of her, pollen kicking up like dust motes. Despite strong allergy medications, Daniel sneezed every few words. That made Sam smile even more. Her poor friend—always willing to suffer for his work.
The colonel fell into step with her. “Having a good time, Carter?”She looked back out at the field, at Daniel sneezing, Teal’c stoically following, the white-capped peaks in the distance. “I wish I could stay here forever.”
“You’d get bored—no little doo-hickies to play with,” he said with a chuckle.
He probably had a point. “It’s beautiful, though.”
“Yeah.” His voice sounded far off, dreamy almost.
She glanced over at him. His eyes were down, his hands pulling apart the head of a flower that looked like a daisy, only purple. She was surprised at his sudden melancholy. How could anyone be down in a place like this? She started to ask him if he was okay when he spoke again.
“Do you ever wonder, Sam, how things would be if they were… different?”
She pondered his question. There was a tinge of something forbidden in the question. “Well, sir, they’d be different,” she said, deflecting in O’Neill style.
He smirked slightly. “Besides that.”
Sam felt her pulse quickening. “I’m not sure what you mean, sir.”
His hand, gentle on her arm, stopped her. “Like if there was no such word as ‘sir.'” He looked at her with such an earnest expression, eyes unguarded. It took her breath away.
She couldn’t hold his gaze, instead focusing on the flowers. “All the time,” she whispered, choosing to match his sincerity.
He still had his hand on her arm—it sent little tingles through her whole body. Then he dropped it and started walking.
“How long have we known each other?” he asked.
“Seven years, sir,” she answered automatically, cringing at her choice of words.
The colonel just smiled. “And in all that time how many times have you called me by my first name?”
This conversation was going into dangerous territory. “I don’t know.”
“I’ve been in the military a long time, and I can’t think of any time when my second-in-command didn’t eventually call me by my name.” He sighed, picking another flower to dismantle. “Seven years, Carter. I’d like to think we’ve become friends in that time.”
“We have, sir.” Again with that word. He shot her a look. “I can’t help it—force of habit. You always call me Carter. Last time I checked that wasn’t my first name.”
Another chuckle. “Touché.”
They were both quiet for a moment. “Actually, I kind of like the way you call me Carter.” She felt her face flsuh and refused to look at him, afraid of what he might see there. Her and the colonel had slowed, losing sight of Daniel and Tea’c. She halted, suddenly hit be the realization that she couldn’t even think of him by his first name. He was always, “the colonel,” even inside her own head. He stalled a couple steps in front of her and waited.
“We are friends,” she started, her mouth going dry. She swallowed hard. “I consider you one of the best friends I’ve ever had-” She shored her courage before forcing the word out, “Jack.”
The smile split his face, but he quickly turned away with a slight cough. Sam was grinning like a fool, too. That smile was all to rare on Jack.
“So, you think maybe,” he said as they walked again, “when we’re not on base you could lose the ‘sir?'”
“Are you sure that’s a good idea?” Thoughts of za’tarcs and confessions better left in rooms flitted through her head. But this time other thoughts pushed them aside—his smile, his sudden honesty, his soft sigh. “It’s just-”
They crested a hill and ahead she could see the rest of their team—their friends—waiting for them. Apparently Daniel hadn’t stopped talking yet. A weight settled in her stomach. She didn’t want to leave this magical place. She didn’t want to return to reality where there were regulations and rules and a gaping chasm between them. She took several steps back, letting the hill block her sight of the ‘Gate once more.
He followed her down the hill and out of sight. “Carter?”
“I don’t think-” She licked her lips. How could she say this? The words were on the tip of her tongue as she wrestled with years of military indoctrination.
“Yeah?” She was sure his voice cracked.
Finally, she forced herself to look him in the face. The hope in his eyes nearly broke her. “I think,” she whispered, “I don’t want to keep things in that room any more.” She watched his expression with nervous anticipation. She didn’t know why. She was pretty sure she knew how he felt. Because I care about her. A lot more than I’m supposed to. She knew exactly how she felt—he’d had her heart in his hands for a long time. But did he know that? She wasn’t sure those were feelings she could express just yet. He seemed equally at a loss.
He opened his mouth as if to say something then shut it, his face scrunching up. Then he surprised her by taking a step closer and resting his hands on her shoulders. “I don’t want to either. Sam-”
Her heart stopped. She couldn’t breath. He was so close and so real and so… Jack. She felt him leaning closer, her head tipped up without thinking. Oh god, were they really going to do this? Say hell to the regs? She closed her eyes, feeling his breath on her lips. Inside she was a tightly wound ball of emotions she didn’t fully comprehend.
“Carter?” he whispered, asking permission. She brought her hand up to cup his face. Yes. Yes, Jack.
And just as she felt his lips brush hers, just as her heart soared, and her dreams were about to come true she heard Daniel yelling for them.
“Jack, Sam-” Sneeze. “-Where’d you guys go?” Sneeze. “Are you coming or- Oh, there you are.”
They were once again standing at a professional distance, but Sam still felt the heat simmering between them.
“Yeah, Daniel,” she said, voice strained, “we’re coming.”
Daniel gave them a weird look. “Teal’c was getting worried.”