Sometimes I Think…
I’ve been busy this weekend trying to get two short papers written. One in Sociology and one in Literary Theory. I do not like writing academic papers. Fiction is more my thing.
Lately, though, I’ve been wondering if I’m cut out for this degree at all. I’m in my third term at Southern New Hampshire University (yes, the one that advertises on TV for their online school). So far I’ve only taken general ed credits except for the Literary Theory which is part of my major. In August I take my first fiction writing workshop. I’m getting nervous.
I like to write. I’ve gone back to writing some fanfic after taking most of last year off from writing any of it. I’m out of practice. But at least my fanfic gets finished (most of it) and is of high quality (usually). That’s more than I can say for my original fic which I rarely finish and is crap. I can’t plot a story to save my life so how am I going to get a degree in Creative Writing?
This negativity might be reality setting in after I enrolled in school while having a bipolar episode. Or it could be because I’ve been depressed since my last manic episode a few weeks ago when I stayed up for 36 hours straight and for 26 of those hours I wrote non-stop.
I wish I had someone now that could work with me to help develop a story/novel so I could figure out what the hell I’m doing. I’m scared I’m going to get to my first class and look like an idiot because all I know how to write is fanfic.
Fanfic is easy. At least what I write because I’m so into the fandom that the characters are real to me, the backstory is all there, and the set up for story lines are just there waiting to be taken advantage of. I wish I could develop my own world and characters like that. When I try, though, I just get bored.
I guess I’ll have to wait until August to find out if I’m cut out for writing.