Heaven Can’t Wait – Chapter 35
Chapter Thirty-Five – Knock It Off
The lights begin flickering again as they turn the corner to Medbay. That can’t be good. The infirmary, though, is lit up like the noon-day sun thanks to emergency batteries and backup generators.
Raven rubs her forehead. She’s probably running probabilities and equations in her head, determining how long they have before the station fails completely. Bellamy does not envy her.
“I wish Sinclair was here,” she murmurs. “Someone else I couldn’t save.”
Damn. Bellamy doesn’t know what else to do except wrap an arm around her. “He’d be proud of you.”
She shrugs. “Things wouldn’t be falling apart with him.”
“Sinclair was good, but he wasn’t a miracle worker.”
Heaven lets go of his hand and runs over to her artwork, producing a crayon out of nowhere. Where did that come from? Bellamy shakes his head then peeks in the door. Curtains block the operating tables. Not a good sign. A nurse appears at the window, scowling.
“We just want an update,” Bellamy says through the window.
After a moment, the door opens slightly. “It doesn’t look good,” the nurse says, avoiding Raven eyes. “They’re still working on Jaha.”
“What about the others?” Raven asks, sounding a little frantic.
The nurse’s face drops. “I’m sorry.” She disappears before Bellamy can get any more information. Not that he expects anything but more bad news.
Raven falls against the wall, face in her hands. Shit. Bellamy drags over a broken chair before she falls over. He has no idea what to say to her so he squeezes her shoulder in solidarity. How many kids did he lose? The battle at the dropship was inevitable, and so were the deaths. He couldn’t have stopped it. It still hurts, though. He still regrets having to order those kids to die. I couldn’t save them any more than Raven could save Sinclair.
Hours pass with Bellamy periodically asking for updates that are always vague, and Raven alternating between frantic rage and near catatonia. He tries to distract himself by making lists of all the things he needs to do. Mundane things like paperwork and showering. It doesn’t really work. Raven stares into space again, lost in her guilt and responsibilities.
“So here’s where all the lights went,” Murphy says, coming around the corner. “Figures Abby would be stealing-” He trails off at the sight of Raven’s pale face.
Bellamy shakes his head. “Not now, Murphy.”
“What’s going on?”
Bellamy grabs Murphy’s arm, dragging him several feet away. “Just leave her alone. She lost a quarter of her crew when this storm turned lethal. While they were working to turn your lights back on.”
Murphy doesn’t take his eyes from Raven. “Oh,” is all he says.
Heaven comes over and pulls on his pants, showing him her doll. “I mean it—those were her friends out there so-”
“Hey, some of those people are my friends too, you know. I do have some.” Murphy glares at him, but there’s a layer of hurt in his eyes that punches Bellamy in the gut.
Bellamy sighs, looking over at Raven again. He’s too tired for this right now. “Sorry.” He rubs his eyes. “I didn’t mean-”
Heaven stomps her foot for attention. “Okay, in a minute,” he tells her. “I don’t know what to do for her,” he nods at Raven. “She’s been like this for the last hour.”
“Well, sitting around here can’t be healthy.”
“I can’t get her to leave. She wanted to see them right away. I practically had to carry her out of the room.”
“What do we do?”
Bellamy doesn’t miss the “we” in that question. Murphy’s concern surprises him a little considering the complicated history between the two.
He shot her.
Maybe it’s guilt? Is Murphy even capable of feeling remorse? He’s still watching Raven, a crease between his eyebrows. Maybe he is.
Heaven yanks on his pants then smacks his leg. Bellamy pats her head, letting out a long breath. “I don’t think there’s anything we can do. She has to work through this on her own.”
Murphy turns his frown on Bellamy. “That doesn’t sound like a good idea. With all the pressure she’s under, she might-”
Heaven smacks him harder then throws the doll at him. “Knock it off, will you!” The words are out of his mouth before he can stop them.
“Snap,” Murphy finishes.
Heaven bursts into tears. Jesus Christ. Dropping to his knees, Bellamy picks up the doll. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean-” She snatches the doll back but won’t look at him. Could this day get any worse? He cups her little face in his hands and presses his forehead against hers, wiping away her tears with his thumbs. “I’m so sorry, Heaven,” he murmurs. “I didn’t mean to scare you, okay?”
She whimpers for a second then lifts the doll for him to see. She points at its mouth like she’s feeding it. Bellamy feels like shit. “Are you hungry?” She blinks at him, not understanding the words. “Okay. We’ll find something for you to eat in a minute.” He stands, settling Heaven in his arms.
His friends are staring. “You sure you’re okay?” Murphy asks hesitantly.
Bellamy takes a moment to center himself. Heaven lays her head on his shoulder and starts playing with his hair. That does the trick. “I’m fine.”
“You just yelled at a toddler.”
Bellamy glares. “Mind your own business.”
Murphy visibly bristles—brewing for a fight. Great, just what I need. Before Bellamy can say anything, Murphy sighs. “I’ll stay with Raven. Go get the kid something to eat before she hurts someone.”
Bellamy squeezes the bridge of his nose, glancing from Murphy to Raven. “I don’t-” This is a bad idea.
“I can handle babysitting the basket case for an hour.”
A really bad idea. “Murphy-”
“I’m kidding. I’ll keep an eye on her. Best behavior.”
Bellamy scoffs. Raven scowls at both of them. The look loud and clear—“you leave me with him, and I will hurt you.”
“I swear to god, Murphy, if I get murdered in my sleep tonight, I will come back and haunt your ass for eternity.”
Murphy laughs. Even Raven has a hard time maintaining her glare. But then she seems to remember why she’s there, and the small smile falls away. Bellamy sighs. This is a monumentally bad idea, but what can he do? “Thanks.”
“Whatever. You’ll owe me,” Murphy says with a shrug.
“I will hurt you,” Raven says as Bellamy passes. He’s not sure if she’s talking to him or Murphy. Probably both.
When they get to the end of the hall, he watches Murphy squat in front of Raven, his fingers tapping gently on her knee to get her attention. It’s a gentle side of Murphy Bellamy’s never seen before.
He wonders what Murphy was like as a kid. Before all of this. Before they floated his father and his mother blamed him for the death. That does things to a person. Raven snorts at something Murphy says then covers her face, shoulder shaking. Murphy just continues to watch her, speaking softly.
Bellamy’s amazed the two can be in the same room with each other and live. Out of all of them, Raven’s probably had it the worst. And Murphy is the main cause of that. They all know it. But maybe, in the end, it’s bonded them in ways no one will ever understand. He glances at Heaven sucking her thumb. Or maybe he can understand.
Bellamy leaves them to their private conversation and heads for the mess hall again.