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Archive for the tag “depression”

Day 42 of Isolation: Defeat and Depression

I just… ugh.

Tried to make a follow-up appointment with my regular doctor only to find they’re dropping me as a patient. Actually, dropping my entire family. They said they’ll try to get me seen in the next month but after that, I have to find someone else. At a time when a lot of practices aren’t accepting new patients.

I just feel so defeated. I didn’t have a PCP (primary care provider) for most of my adult life because I either didn’t have insurance or every time I found a doctor something would happen–we’d move or they’d close/retire, they’d stop taking our insurance or drop me for some other reason. I mostly gave up but my mental health provider kept prodding me and we found this doctor for the kids. She was in family practice so I decided to just see her myself. I really liked her.

Now I have to start the process all over again. Explain all my issues to yet another doctor. Go through all of the tests, trials, and errors as they decide what they want to do with me.

I’m so tired. I’ve been crying all day. It’s too much. I’m in quarantine and all alone which normally would be fine, but I also have no access to food in my room. My husband went to work despite saying he was going to call in so I’m dependent on the kids. My 19yo took off to a friend’s until she’s sure I don’t have the virus. That leaves me in the care of the other three kids: 17, 14, and 9.

No one has checked on me all day.

I hate being helpless and dependent.

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