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Archive for the tag “genre: humor”

Stargate SG-1 fic: Take This Job and Shove It

I found this in my WIP folder from 2014–apparently written for a friend on LiveJournal but never posted.

Take This Job and Shove It

181 words | [PG]
Jack & Sam at work.


“Carter,” O’Neill barks from the door to her lab.

“Sir?” Sam looks up from the report she’s working on from her last mission.

“I need you to get those reports to me faster.”

“Faster? But I turn them in as quickly as I always have. Way before Daniel-”

“Well, I need them faster.” He taps his fingers against his leg in an uneven pattern.

What’s his problem? Sam’s had a long day on P4X-whatever-it-was and just not in the mood to deal with a cranky colonel so she pierces her commanding officer with a steely glare. “They will be done in the timely manner in which they always have been.”

“But, I-”

“I will have them done when they are done.” She doesn’t break eye contact.

O’Neill swallows, finally looking away as his face heats up. “Right, of course you will,” he mumbles. “I’ll be waiting.” He practically runs out of her lab.

Sam smirks at her computer and hits send. She was done with the report anyway—she just wanted to watch the colonel squirm for once.

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Red vs Blue fic: Shut Up and Dance

rvb_shutupanddance1684 words | [PG]
A mission without armor and weapons? Instead, there’s black ties and gowns. Schmoozing and dancing. Sounds like Carolina’s worst nightmare. Specifically, the dancing part. York, though, is loving every bit of it. Especially, the dancing part.


Carolina studied the invitation in her hands. It was clear plastic with holographic ink that shimmered when the light hit it just right.

~*~

Verdidad Museum of Human Culture

100th Grand Gala

~*~

Their next mission. Words spun in her head. Museum. Gala. Black tie. Ball. No armor. Dancing. She didn’t like any of them. Some less than others.

York caught up with her in the hall. “Hey, you were awfully quiet in there. Everything okay?”

“Huh?”

He laughed. “I’ve never seen you zone out in a briefing before.”

She frowned at him. “I wasn’t zoning out. I was thinking.”

“Whatever you say, boss.” When she didn’t respond, he tapped her arm. “Come on—something’s on your mind. You can tell me.”

“This mission doesn’t-” She considered her words before finishing. “I don’t know, rub you the wrong way? Fancy gala. No armor. We’ll be vulnerable.”

“Oh, come on, Carolina, it’ll be fun. We get to dress up, and look, Mr. and Mrs. Edward Chamberlain.” He waggled his eyebrows—a goofy smile on his face. Read more…

Red vs Blue fic: Better Late Than Never

rvb_betterlatethannever

1007 words | [PG-13]
Yet another mission shot to hell, but Carolina’s having a hard time staying mad at York. What with his flowers and awkward flirting.


She was going to kill him. And she knew a lot of ways to do it. Long and painful ones. He’d totally deserve it, too.

Carolina paced the alley, grumbling to herself. They had a timetable to keep. She’d calculated it down to the minute. She didn’t have time for a delay. For York to be late. They were supposed to be professionals. She checked the time on her HUD. If he wasn’t here in the next sixty seconds she was going on without him. It wouldn’t be as easy, but she could manage. And then they’d leave his ass here.

“Maybe it would teach him a lesson.”

“Teach who a lesson?”

She spun, ready to clobber him for making her wait, but then she noticed the flowers in his hand. That was new. “Where have you been?”

“Got tied up. You know how it is.”

Read more…

Stargate SG-1 fic: A Little Note of Advice

noteofadvice

708 words | [G]
Sam’s leading her first mission, and the colonel has quite a bit of advice for her. Given in typical Jack O’Neill fashion.


Sam nearly collides with someone as she turns the corner into the conference room. She looks up into the colonel’s mischievous, twinkling eyes. The corner of his mouth curls up in an adorable crooked smile that sets butterflies loose in her stomach. Blood rushes to her cheeks, and she has to look away before he notices. “Sorry, sir, I didn’t see you.”

“Not a problem, Carter. I was just on my way out.”

“Out, sir? Aren’t you staying for the briefing.”

“Unfortunately, no,” he says with an exaggerated sigh. “Apparently, I’m needed in Washington.”

Sam cringes. “My condolences.”

Read more…

Red Vs. Blue fic: Rockets Red Glare

If you have a cracked sense of humor and you’ve never watched the webshow, Red Vs. Blue, you are missing out on some ridiculous laughs. Their episodes are on YouTube, but the six-minute episodes are combined into two-hour seasons on Netflix–thirteen of them. It starts out slow, but later seasons actually work around some major story arcs. For something that started so silly, this show actually made me cry. The animation–created from the Halo games–improves drastically over the course of the series, so don’t let that turn you off. Just be aware that the language and many of the jokes are crude. The show is hilarious, though. I’ve watched through it two or three times already.


rvb_rocketsredglare.jpg

The one where the DVD collection is a mess and Caboose thinks it’s the 4th of July.
WARNING: language
639 words | rating: R


“No, no. Those go there and these go here,” shouted Church.

“But I thought we were going to put these there,” said Tucker.

Church growled. “Now why the hell would we do that?”

“I don’t know it just makes sense.”

“In what world does putting these over there make sense?”

Tucker shrugged, stepping out of the way as Caboose ran through the room. “Because they’re all red. And those are blue. And these are green.”

“WHAT? You organized them by color?”

“Yeah, of course.” Tucker looked up at Church. “Why? How do you organize them?”

Church fought the urge to throttle Tucker. “Oh, I don’t know—how about in alphabetical order!”

“Geesh, calm down, man. It’s just a stupid DVD collection for Christ’s sake.”

Tucker started sorting the DVDs again as Caboose ran past in the other direction. Church watched over his shoulder to make sure he did it right this time.

“F comes before G, dipshit.”

“Whatever,” Tucker muttered, and when Church turned to watch Caboose skip through the room, he tossed the copy of Four Weddings and a Funeral into the trash. “There,” he said a minute later.

Church checked the shelves. “Do you even know what alphabetical means?”

“Hey, fuck you. You know how hard it is to do anything with you breathing down my neck.”

“Weeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee,” yelled Caboose as he bounded back through the room with a sparkler in each hand.

“And what the fuck is with Caboose?”

Church started rearranging the DVDs. “I don’t know. I find it easier to just ignore him.”

“Yeah, but that’s when he gets in the most trouble.”

Church glanced at Tucker for a moment. “Good point.”

The two followed the sound of Caboose’s laughter to the roof of the base. Caboose had sparklers taped to every surface while he wrote his name in the air with the ones in his hands.

“Caboose,” Church shouted. “What are you doing?”

“It’s the Fourth of July!”

“No, it’s not,” said Tucker. “Actually, I think it’s November.”

Caboose danced around them as the sparklers petered out. “Oh, yeah. If it’s not the Fourth of July, then how come the Reds are having a fireworks display? Huh?”

“What?” Church and Tucker said at the same time.

As if on cue, there was a bang from the Red base across the canyon. Sparks flew into the sky.

“See, fireworks. That means it’s the Fourth of July.”

“All that means,” said Tucker, “is that you’re an idiot. They could be shooting fireworks off for any reason.”

“Uh-” said Church.

“It could be someone’s birthday. It could be someone’s anniversary. It could be they had extra gunpowder lying around-”

“Guys-”

“It could be they just like pretty, sparkly things like you, dumbass. Hell, it could mean the Cubs finally won the World Series after five hundred years. Who the fuck knows.”

Church backed away. “I don’t think those are fireworks.”

“What?” Tucker turned to look where Church was staring. “Oh shit, man. Run.”

Caboose squealed. “Look they’re shooting them our way so we can join in the fun. Happy Fourth of July to you too, Reds.”

“Caboose,” Church yelled, “those aren’t fireworks. They’re rockets.”

“And the rocket’s red glare, the bombs bursting in air, gave proof through the night that our flag was still there,” sang Caboose, hand against his forehead in a salute.

“Caboose!”

Tucker leaped from the base, running for cover. Church dove at Caboose, tackling him over the side just as the rocket hit the roof. Chunks of concrete and red sparks rained down on them.

“So pretty,” cooed Caboose.

Church rolled onto his back, gasping for air. The sky was lit by the fire now consuming their base. It made the air waver, distorting the stars above. He let his head fall back with a long sigh. “You’re right, Caboose. It is pretty.”

Stargate SG-1 fic: Home Improvement

[Sam & Jack friendship]
Sam gets a surprise visit from the colonel and his tools.
341 words | rating: G


Sam woke on a Saturday to a loud crash that rattled the walls of her house. She shot out of bed, reaching for a gun that wasn’t there. It took her a few seconds to relax and remember she was at home, not off-world. There was another smaller crash then a lot of banging. What the hell?

She padded down the hall into the kitchen. More noise came from the backyard. She really considered finding that gun when a large shadow passed the door. Wait a minute. Sam cocked her head—that was a shadow she recognized. In her bare feet and pajamas, she opened the back door, finding her porch in pieces

“Sir?” Sam said, crossing her arms as she leaned against the door frame. “What are you doing?”

The colonel started, dropping a hammer. He looked up at her, three nails hanging from his lips. He mumbled something around the nails then pulled them from his mouth. “Hey, Carter. I just-” He looked around at the mess. “Did I wake you?”

“It’s oh-seven-thirty, sir.”

“So I woke you.”

She glared at him. Then at the mess.

He cleared his throat. “I just noticed that your deck was looking a little worn. I mean, the last time we were here for team night. It’s a little battered. But the frame is still good. I just thought I’d spruce it up-”

His rambling was kind of adorable. She forced her mind away from those dangerous thoughts and put a hand up to stop him. “I appreciate the thought, sir, but this is a rental. I’m not sure what my landlady will think of your home improvements.”

“Oh.” He ducked his head, a blush creeping up his neck. Very adorable.

Bad Sam.

Sam bit her lips to keep from smiling while the colonel stood there looking awkward as hell. When she thought he’d suffered enough, she shook her head. “Well, since you’re here—you want some coffee? There might be donuts, too.” She went back in the house, knowing without a doubt that he’d follow.

Stargate SG-1 comic: We Need Help

Or maybe it’s just me that needs the help, lol.  For the [info]stargateland  comic strip challenge.  This is my first comic strip and I almost didn’t do this challenge.  Not my kind of thing but I saw these caps when I was looking for stuff for my Sam icons and couldn’t resist.  I love Jack’s expression in the last one.

The story makes zero sense to don’t try to hard to figure it out.  It was just the first stupid thing that came to my head.  I should be finishing up my sg1friendathon story but, no, I’m making icons and comic strips instead.  At least I’m clearing out the challenges I have due this week so I can focus on bigger projects (and boy do I have a bunch… more on that in another post, though).  Without further ado:

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