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Archive for the tag “meme”

fat-shaming is never inspiring

2013-10-19-maria2I’m sure a lot of you have heard the hoopla around Maria Kang and her “fitspiration” faux pas that has lead to all sorts of backlash across the interwebs. It all started when she posted a photo of herself and her three children. Her very skinny, perfect self. With the headline: What’s your excuse.

Hmmm, I can see why people got upset. Not everyone can be as perfect as Maria after having three kids right in a row. I know I didn’t and I had three kids just like she did, one right after the other. Then again I was never thin before I started having kids.

My oldest three kids–Meagan, Owen and Brenna–were born in 2000, 2001 and 2002, respectively. There is 28 months (2 years, 4 months) between Meagan and Brenna (and only 13 months between Owen and Brenna). All three of them were c-sections. Yes, I had three c-sections in just over two years.

familynovemberHere’s a picture of me right after my third child was born. You can’t see my stomach but trust me it was all hanging out. During my pregnancy with Owen (#2) my abdominal muscles split right down the middle (ouch) making it impossible for me to suck my stomach in. I got pregnant with Brenna right away so they didn’t start to heal until she was almost two.

Back then exercising and staying fit were the last things on my mind. I was busy with three babies/toddlers in diapers and making bottles and cooking, cleaning, laundry (oh, the never ending laundry) and dealing with my debilitating depression. My husband worked as much overtime as he could get so there could be days where we didn’t see him at all. And I had no other help. It was just me and the kids all day long. There was never time to exercise. When the kids laid down for a nap I was either cleaning or resting because I was exhausted. Yeah, those were my excuses and I’m sticking with them. I was doing the best I could.

Almost 11 years later (that teeny baby in the picture will turn 11 in a couple weeks) and nothing much as changed except that I added two more children, moved 2000 miles from my hometown and had a nervous breakdown that almost ended with me swallowing a bottle of pills.

Here’s me now:2013 05 11_0222The real me.

A friend of a friend wrote this article over a Huffington Post about the whole kerfuffle. She also started a meme of her own on Tumblr and Facebook. If you look right now my photo is at the top of both sites. And I’m proud.

Here’s my answer to Maria’s question:myexcuse

It’s true. The picture may have been taken over two years ago but my kids tell me every day how pretty I am and how much they love me just as I am. My husband also thinks I’m beautiful and sexy just as I am even though I’ve gained about 50lbs over the 14 years we’ve known each other.

Personally, I don’t really fault Maria Kang for her photo. It wasn’t meant for the general public and I think people are blowing the thing way out of proportion. Women, especially, are getting their panties in a twist. I guess maybe I’m secure in my fatness after all my 36 years. I’ve been overweight since I was a kid. But I’m pretty healthy–blood pressure is fine, no diabetes, I love to walk (although I have trouble finding time, especially in the winter when it’s raining constantly). Yes, I know I’m obese and my knee wouldn’t flare up if I lost thirty pounds. But this is who I am.

Fat-shaming will never inspire a fat person to lose weight. Most likely it will have the opposite effect–they’re likely to pull out that pint of Hagan Dazs and finish it off. Or pop open a family sized bag of potato chips and eat almost all of them. Or they might just wish they were dead because they will never be as perfect as Maria Kang and no excuse will ever be good enough for those people that do the fat-shaming.

The only way someone is going to lose weight and get in shape is if they want it. Really, really want it on an elemental level. They can’t want it for someone else (so their husband will think they are sexier). They can’t want it because society thinks they should be thin. They have to want it at the core of their being because they know they will be healthier and happier and free of the weight holding them down. It takes a lot of strength and will-power. I know, I’ve tried it and lost over 20lbs but I’ve never gotten lower than that.

My real excuses (in case Maria Kang was wondering):

  • I have had six pregnancies and five births–all c-sections (my fifth pregnancy ended in a traumatic miscarriage in the waiting room bathroom at the hospital).
  • I had my first three kids in just over two years, never giving my body time to recover (just like Maria Kang except I started at about 60lbs overweight).
  • I’ve suffered from severe clinical depression, general anxiety and severe social anxiety my entire life. It was untreated until two years ago after I almost killed myself because life had become too much for me. Had I seen her poster back then it might have pushed me over the edge. The depression left me uninterested in life, in pain, and unable to cope with stress.
  • I’m anemic. Apparently I have been since I started having kids 13 years ago except I never had it treated until a few months ago. As my iron builds up the more energy I have. That paired with my increasingly good mood thanks to antidepressants and anti-anxiety medication has given me a new look on life, a want to change me to the person I always should have been (but depression stole from me).
  • I’m a stay-at-home-mom with a toddler at home. I can’t make it to the gym whenever I want. Sure I can do simple exercises but at this weight just cleaning the house can leave me worn out. Something thin/fit people don’t seem to understand is that exercise when you are obese is hard. Really, really hard. It’s hard on your joints, breathing and energy levels. You can’t just jump up and run a few miles to counteract that big lunch you had. You do what you can but a lot of people get frustrated, depressed and unmotivated.
  • I’m a writer. No, I haven’t published anything (yet), but I plan to some day. Writing means sitting in a chair… writing.
  • And, really, I don’t give a fuck half the time. Who cares what I look like? I’m the person that has to live in my body and why is it anyone else’s business if I exercise or sit in front of the TV eating bon-bons. You can see from my picture that my kids did not get my genes and I have taught them better habits than my parents taught me. They are all skinny as heck (a few of them underweight and needing to eat more fatty food–which is fun when you’re cooking and you need low/fat-free foods).

So to Maria Kang and all the fat-haters and fat-shamers out there I want to say:

I don’t need an excuse because I’m perfect just the way I am. And it’s nobody’s business but my own.

To all the overweight/obese women (and men) who feel ashamed or despondent, who can’t find the energy or the want, who saw Maria Kang’s poster and didn’t feel inspired but instead felt shame or inferior, I say there is nothing wrong with you. You are perfect the way you are. If you want to lose weight–you are perfect. If you hope some day to look like Maria Kang–you are perfect. If you are skinny or fit and had to work for it–you are perfect. If you are skinny or fit and it’s natural–you are perfect. If you don’t really care about your weight–you are perfect. If you want to lose weight but can’t find the energy within–you are perfect.

family_051113

One last picture of me and my family taken in May of 2013. I was 240lbs, recently had gallbladder surgery and I’m not ashamed of who I am. My family loves me how I am and tell me every day. I don’t need the likes of Maria Kang to tell me how I should look or how I should spend my time.

all about me

another snurched meme, this one from [info]direwolfdragon.  Because I’m bored and trying to relax despite the mess around me like the therapist told me.

What is your name? full name is Jennifer Nicole but I’ve gone by Jen for most of my adult life

Are you named after anyone?  nope, they were just the 2 names my parents liked best.  They had no idea Jennifer was sucha popular name in the late 70s.  Guess they didn’t have any friends with kids, lol.

Would you name a child of yours after you? we considered using Nicole as a middle name for our oldest.  We were going to name her Kiley Nicole but I changed my mind a couple week before she was born so we ended up with Meagan Greer instead.

If you were born a member of the opposite sex what would your name be? I forget…my parents had a list of boys names for me

If you could switch names with a friend who would it be? I kind of like my name.  Sure it was annoying growing up with at least one other Jen/Jenny/Jennifer in every class but now I consider it kind of a fun club that we all belong to.  When you mention your name is Jen to another Jen you get a knowing look from them–they instantly understand what that has meant your entire life.  That’s why my screen name most places is “justanotherjen” (came up with that after I made up my livejournal).

Are there any mispronunciations/typos that people do with your name?  I’ve had a few people ask me how to spell Jennifer which I never got.  Is there really a huge amount of people that spell it differently?
Read more…

TV meme

Snurched this from [info]pirateveronica.

Name a show you like that no one else enjoys: SGU–it really sucked me in the second season, especially the last like 8 episodes or so.  I didn’t want it to end.  *sniff sniff*

Name a TV show which you’ve been known to sing the theme song of: What show don’t I sing the theme song to.  My oldest cracked up when she heard me singing along to the Big Bang Theory.  She was like, “you know all the words, too?”  I’ve been known to randomly hum the theme from How I Met Your Mother and break into the theme song from That 70s Show and Enterprise and Veronica Mars.

Name a show you would recommend everyone to watch: Farscape–it’s just epic

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history

Had to steal this from someone on my flist because I’m just like that.  🙂

16 years ago, I: was a freshman in college, living in the dorms with my very irritating roommates (Jenn, Michelle and Stacy) and just starting to date David; living in Kirksville, MO

10 years ago, I: was married to Patrick (for about 19 months by then) and had 2 beautiful kids–Meagan was 15 months and Owen was a couple weeks old; we were living in Chicago with my dad and just trying to make ends meet

5 years ago, I: was going crazy trying to get 3 costumes together in time for Halloween (nothing like waiting until the last minute)–Meagan was 6 and went as a witch, Owen was 5 and went as Batman, Brenna was almost 4 and went as a clown and Nora wore the Tigger costume all the kids wore their first time out (Jack will wear it this year); we were living in Coraopolis, PA

3 years ago, I: I was still plugging along, figuring out costumes for the kids and trying to make our meager ends meet in the middle somewhere, lol–the kids were 8 (went as a hippie), 7 (Darth Vader), almost 6 (witch) and 2 1/2 (mummy); we were living in Chicago… again

1 year ago, I: was still getting used to our new house, broke as I can ever remember (barely able to feed ourselves) but enjoying life, we even managed to have Halloween–Meagan (10) was a rock star, Owen (9) was an old man, Brenna (almost 7) was a she-devil, Nora (4 1/2) was a witch and Jack (3 1/2 months) wore an orange shirt; we were living Washington state (we move around a lot, lol)

Yesterday, I: did the dishes, some laundry, cleaned the house, cooked, cleaned up the yard, listened to Meagan complain about math homework (which took her from 3pm-8pm to do–hopefully it’s all caught up now) and stayed up late screwing around online–the kids are thinking about being: Meagan (11)-nerd, Owen (10)-no idea, Brenna (almost 9)-nerd or hippie, Nora (5 1/2)-hippie or baby and Jack (15 months) is wearing the Tigger costume; still living in Washington (thankfully)

Today, I: did dishes, some laundry, cleaned the house, cleaned both bathrooms and screwed around on the computer, lol

Tomorrow, I: get working on a story, start plotting out my NaNo and/or nap (the kids have no school so I doubt I get to do any of that stuff)

Six Sentence on Sunday

~*~Each Sunday, post six sentences from a writing project — published, submitted, in progress, for your cat — whatever.~*~

Finished:
(from Making the Best of It)
She gave him a small smile. It was something, he guessed.

The door creaked on opening, one hinge snapping off. Jack let it drop with a thunk to the dirt floor. Carter watched with apprehension until Jack settled it against the wall and took his first look around the cabin.  “Roomy.”

In Progress:
(from No Apologies)
“Are you feeling any… strange sensations?” the older man asked, watching Jack closely.

“No, I feel fine,” Jack repeated for the third time. Jacob narrowed his eyes. Jack cast a glance at each of the others seeing anticipation and wariness. “Why? What kind of sensations?”

Six Sentences on Sunday

Wow, just realized I haven’t done a six sentences on Sunday since early July.  I haven’t done much writing so I just didn’t feel like posting it with just one story.  So this one will have everything I’ve published/worked on since in the last month.

~*~Each Sunday, post six sentences from a writing project — published, submitted, in progress, for your cat — whatever.~*~

Finished:
(from Deepest Desires)

Jack swallows hard. His shallow breathing is loud in his ears. In the mirror the reflected Carter slides off his jacket and begins to work at his shirt. The bizarreness of the situation makes his head spin but he can’t seem to tear his eyes from them.

Jack very clearly sees Carter mouth, “I love you,” and his heart stops. He can’t move—can’t breathe—as he watches his reflection sweep the woman into his arms and nuzzle her neck.

(from To Carry On)

“What purpose will it serve if you also do not survive this attack?””Jack, SG-3 is pinned down on the other ridge. We have to go help them.”

“We must continue to fight.” Teal’c rises. Daniel follows.

(from Seeing Past the Red)

Carter takes a deep breath. “Sir, what you did in the past… is in the past. That’s not who you are; it’s what you did.””Is there really a difference?”

“I think so. In the time I’ve known you you’ve never done anything to hurt anyone if you could help it.”

(from Don’t Drink the Wine)

“That’s what she said.”Sam busted out laughing again, Vala and Mitchell joining her after a few seconds. Even Teal’c chuckled. Daniel was sure of it. “How long have you been waiting to use that line?” Sam asked Mitchell.

(from There’s a Reason)

“Oh boy, time to go.””Remember this is why you continued General Hammond’s ban on prank wars—there’s always payback.”

“Indeed.”

“Yeah, but I’ll be in Washington in the next few hours.”

“I don’t doubt Sam could pull something off before you leave. This is Sam Carter we’re talking about.”

“Awhile.”

(from In the Dark)

“Carter? That was a joke. It was a line from some dumb TV show I watched last night.””…”

“Carter? Come on, I’m sorry.

(from Because)

“I’m just saying, think of how you would feel if something happened and you never told him.””Daniel-”

“Think about it.”

“I already have… too many times.”

“Then tell him. He needs to know and you need to say it.”

(from Ashes of Tulsa–not published yet)

The wind suddenly shifts, a cool breeze blowing in from the north. Daniel shivers but then he feels the warming rays of the sun on his back. He cups a hand over his eyes and peers up at his first glimpse of blue sky in weeks. The air around them clears as the wind pushes the ash in the other direction. He closes his eyes and takes a deep breath, his face turned up to the sun.Jack looks around with a huge grin plastered on his dirt streaked face.

(from Making the Best of It–not published yet)

She pulled a face then rolled her eyes.  “There’s only one bed.”Jack felt his own face flush.  “You noticed that, too.”  He turned to stare at the crumbling chimney on the rear of the house.  “Well, since I am a colonel…”

In Progress:
(from untitled Jack/Sam, Daniel/Vala fic)

Jack turned his glare at Teal’c saving Daniel from having to wipe the growing smirk from his face. Teal’c was quite observant.”What he said.”

After a moment Jack seemed to deflate. He sighed, turning his bottle around and around in his hands. “I really didn’t think it would be this hard.”

(from untitled Jack/Sam story)

Daniel sighs. “About Sam. And Pete. The wedding.””What about it.” Another gulp and the bottle is tossed into the pile next to his him, other empties rolling with a clinking sound under the chair and across the deck.

(from untitled apoca!fic)

“She is well, O’Neill.””Well, she was last we saw her.” Teal’c frowns at Daniel who quickly adds, “I mean we dropped her off just after we rescued her. They had some technical thing for her to look at.”

“Who?”

“The Tok’ra,” says a familiar voice from the doorway.

(from untitled teamy fic)

Jack clapped his hands and pointed at Sam.  “I like her, she has good ideas.”  He pushed past Daniel into the hall and headed for his bedroom.  “And she doesn’t nag,” he called from behind the door.Daniel rubbed at his eyes.  “You’re not helping.”

first/last

In lieu of doing a 6 Sentences on Sunday I’m going to do a First/Last (that I just made up while in the bathroom… probably too much information there).

I’m going to post the first and last sentences of every WIP I have.  You guess what happens in the middle (or not).  I’m just bored, the kids are driving me nuts because it’s raining and/or too wet to go outside and I have a migraine looming behind my right eye.

1. (original fic started for NaNo 09)
The ship rocked unsteadily under his feet. The deck lurched and Page grabbed for the nearest solid object only connecting with a rather disgruntled looking Sergeant. “Sorry,” he mumbled but the younger man paid him little attention other than to glare. Page ignored his insubordination as the ship pitched again back the other way. Expecting this he held fast to the railing around the upper level of the bridge.

After a few moments she pulled away and rested her head on his chest again, her hands sliding around his waist. He let his fingers drift through her long, wet hair and felt her breathing slow and even out. She hoped she would find the rest she needed and was intensely glad she felt safe with him. It had been a long time since he had felt needed by anyone. He leaned close and kissed her softly on the forehead before settling into a comfortable position and drifting off to sleep.

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30 days of fanfic writing meme (30)

30 – Do you have a favorite fic you’ve written? What makes it your favorite? And don’t forget to give us a link!

Ow wow.  Choosing a favorite fic is like choosing a favorite between my five kids.  You just don’t do that.
Okay… I think the one that I’m most proud of is Man in the Box.  It’s in a completely different style than any of my other stories and was the first time I ever wrote in 1st person and in present tense at the same time.  That was a big deal for me and I really like how it turned out.  It was also my first Daniel-centric piece.  Before that they were all team oriented or Jack/Sam.

30 days of fanfic writing (29)

29 – What is your current project or projects?

Do I have to list them all?  LOL
My main ones I’m supposed to be working on are an apoca!fic for [info]sg1friendathon  and a Sam/Jack story for [info]het_bigbang .  Plus there are a bunch of little challenges for [info]fictionland.  Not that I’m getting much done for any of them.

30 days of fanfic writing meme (28)

28 – Have you ever collaborated with anyone else, whether writing together, or having an artist work on a piece about your fic?

Nope.  But [info]campylobacter was sweet enough to make some little title banners for two of my Daniel/Vala stories.  They were nice surprises.

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