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Archive for the tag “story: the completely inacccurate misadventures”

The Completely Inaccurate Misadventures [3/?]


[part 1] [part 2]

3. Abandonment Issues

Hours passed. Then days. And Church had to come to terms with it.

“She’s not coming back.”

Tex was stretched out in the grass, staring at the sky. “Church-”

“No. She’s just not. What if something happened to her? I’m supposed to run her equipment. Keep her safe. What if she went on with the mission without me and got hurt? Oh god.” He felt sick.

“Carolina’s a big girl. She can take care of herself, and she’s been running her equipment on her own since she got it. She’ll be fine.”

He looked away. “Right. She doesn’t need me.”

Tex rolled over then crawled to where he was sitting. “That’s not what I meant.”

“It’s true.”

Then she slapped him. He fell back, cheek stinging. “What the fuck, Tex? What was that for?”

“Would you snap out of it. You sound like an emo sixteen-year-old whose boyfriend broke up with her. I’m just waiting for the depressing music to start.”

“What do you want from me?”

“I want you to be Church. I want you to stop crying and get angry and curse and being fucking annoying.”

They stared at each other for a long time. He didn’t know what to say. He couldn’t explain the way he was feeling.

“You miss her.”

He bit his lip then pressed his hands into his eyes. “I love her,” he mumbled. Read more…

The Completely Inaccurate Misadventures [2/?]


[part 1]

2. In Which Mistakes Are Made

A hum built around Church then a POP. Carolina was suddenly staring at him, head cocked. “Where’s your armor?”

It took him a split-second to register her confused words. He glanced down at his clothes and shrugged. “It’s not like it matters what I look like. I’m a frickin computer program. I’m non-corporeal. I don’t need armor if I can’t be shot.”

She laughed.


“I didn’t think you knew what non-corporeal meant.”

“Hey, fuck you. I’m not an idiot. I have a Ph.D. in like five things. Uh- computer science, and uh-” He rubbed his forehead. “Engineering.”

Carolina kept laughing. “For someone that’s made entirely of memories, you sure forget a lot.”

“Not enough,” he muttered. He crossed his arms over his chest and glared at his shoes again. That right lace was still untied. Stupid shoelace.

Her laughter tapered off. “Church, what’s wrong?”

“Epsilon. My name is Epsilon.” He couldn’t take it anymore. He blinked out, cocooning himself in the little corner of Carolina’s brain that he’d claimed for himself. He could go back into the memory chip in her armor, but, yeah, that wasn’t fun last time. Carolina’s thoughts tickled the back of his mind. He burrowed under the covers. “Go away.”

“Jesus, Church, do you ever clean up after yourself?”

He tossed the blanket off to find Tex looking around, lips curled in disgust. She picked up an empty pizza box then dropped it, wiping her hands on her pants.

“What the hell are you doing here? Get out.”

“I thought we established that you’re stuck with me.”

“Well go find your own place to live.” Read more…

Red vs Blue fic: The Completely Inaccurate Misadventures of a Part-Time Blue and Full-Time Smartass [1/?]


So, I wrote this story back in 2018 as something I never planned to publish. I was in the mood for something super angsty and melodramatic and had no idea how the AI actually worked in the show/HALO setting. I just wanted tons of dramatic interactions between Church and the people he pretended not to care about.

Because of this, there’s probably a lot of inconsistencies with canon. 

The way I have the AI working in this story is their program is kept on a memory chip normally implanted in a soldier’s armor. The Freelancers all have neural links that allow the chips to be directly connected to the user. Epsilon is special in that he has the capability to connect with (and take control if need be) a human host without a full neural link.

Even without the full neural link, Epsilon is still able to hear the thoughts/feelings of the person he’s “riding” with (so to speak) via something like a wifi link. I’m pretty sure they say at some point in the show that all Freelancer personnel (including the sim troopers) have an implant of some sort which is how Omega and Alpha can hop around). So I’m going with the idea that they can use this sort of wifi connection with the person in the armor they’re installed in only, but for the Freelancers, there’s the option of installing the chip directly into their neck which will fully merge their brains with the AI.

In the story, Carolina’s neural implants were damaged when the Meta forcibly removed Eta and Iota so she can never be fully integrated with Epsilon even if she wanted while Wash refuses that kind of connection and barely tolerates Epsilon being installed in his armor and giving him even a tiny fraction of access to Wash’s brain.

I wrote this for the unadulterated angst that started with Church and Tex then moved to Church and Wash (with a bit of Carolina drama thrown in there). Don’t overthink it. 

Also, the story isn’t finished and really has no plot (at the moment), I just wanted to share this goofiness with other people because I’ve been super depressed during lockdown and haven’t written anything in months.

I did warn you about the angst.

1. Forgot to Forget


The wind whispered through the trees. A whooshing sound that raised the imaginary hairs on the back of Church’s imaginary neck. It was almost like the forest was speaking to him. Which was stupid because trees couldn’t talk. And Church was just a computer program, but he still felt those hairs raise all the same.

“Epsilon? Epsilon are you listening to me?”

Church shook his head, forcing his focus back to Carolina. “Huh?”

She sighed. “Where were you?”

“When?” His eyes drifted back to the trees.

whoosh shoosh wshhh

“Just now. You were somewhere else.”

He blinked at Carolina. “No I wasn’t.”

“Well, you sure weren’t listening to me,” she said as she started walking again. Church could feel her frustration even if he couldn’t see it on her face. Read more…

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