Day 113 of Isolation: Self-Centered People

I am so fed up with individuals, especially those in my town, that are so ignorant and self-centered they refuse to wear a mask or do even the slightest to mitigate the spread of this virus.

I had to run to Safeway today to get stuff for dinner tomorrow. I’ve avoided stores for the most part the last four months and normally go when they’re not very busy. Of course, this was a Friday afternoon the day before a major holiday. Ugh.

Masks are now mandatory in Washington state for everyone inside of buildings and where social distancing can’t be maintained yet there were so many people in the store without masks or not wearing them properly (pulled down below their noses or even just sitting on their chins). Even some of the employees didn’t have them on right which was even worse.

Then there were the families with kids–none of them wearing masks, kids touching every-fucking-thing. One family had a baby and three children under ten. None of them were in masks and were going the wrong way down the aisles, letting the kids get close to everyone, touching all the chips, etc. Ick. I haven’t taken my kids anywhere since this started–it’s not worth the risk.

And so many people just ignoring social distancing and the aisle arrows, just going wherever they wanted and blocking the aisle so other people couldn’t get by without getting close. When I got in line to check out, this other guy got right up next to me so he would be out of the main cross aisle (the lines for the registers were going down the food aisles making distancing even harder while shopping). He was just feet away from without a care in the world. Ugh.

I was so stressed out, I almost just left everything and went home. We’d eat whatever I could scrounge up at home instead. Then I had to go to Grocery Outlet because they sell big bags of chips for cheap. I was already anxious because of Safeway. Luckily, Grocery Outlet isn’t as busy. They don’t have one-way arrows on the aisle but three weren’t a lot of people there except in the produce section so I avoided it. I was in and out in a few minutes and was 2nd in line when I checked out (compared to like 6th at Safeway with six registers open and 6 self-checkouts).

I just don’t understand these anti-mask yahoos talking about their freedoms and shit. What about my freedom to not be infected by a deadly virus? But I should just stay home so they can get back to their normal lives. They’re so ignorant, and sadly, their ignorance is deadly. There are so many people like this in our town. On the local Facebook group, the moms are freaking out about school opening in the fall–not because it’s too risky for kids but because the kids will have to wear masks and their kids will not be wearing masks. They’re all taking their kids back to the playgrounds again even though they’re still closed because their kids are bored and life needs to just be normal again.

I guess they’ve decided the pandemic is over and doesn’t apply to them at all.

I just can’t even.

Sometimes I’m glad my fatigue makes it impossible for me to go places. Today was a rare day with a little bit of energy so I thought I’d make the run for groceries. I regretted it immediately and definitely will not be going out again any time soon. Not worth the risk to my health or sanity.


writer problems

Going over these old stories has taught me a few things:

  • I seriously abuse conjunctions (especially and and but)
  • Run-on sentences were a thing I did… a lot
  • I also used a lot of ellipses
  • I knew fuck-all about using commas

The older the story, the worse the errors. It’s giving me a headache. Thank god for Grammarly to pick up on a lot of the commas I miss even in editing (there are just so many that need to be added in).



I’m going through my pictures and just realized I have none of them from last Halloween on this computer.  So I checked my external hard drive and they aren’t on there either.  Which means they are only saved to my other computer.  Which has no graphics card in it so I can’t turn it on and find them.

I guess I never transferred them to the external so now I don’t have them on this computer.  I was missing Easter 2011 pictures, too.  I thought I just didn’t take any (Easter isn’t that big of a deal in our house) but now they might just be on the other computer that I can’t get into.  Ugh.

I was sure I had EVERYTHING backed up.  A couple years ago I had to do a complete system wipe and thought I backed everything up only to find out I missed the folder with Owen’s kindergarten graduation pictures in it.  So now all I have of that day are 4 edited photos I uploaded to a website (and they aren’t high-res in the least).  I lost all the pictures of him with his friends (kids he’ll never see again).

Now this.  All I have on this computer from last Halloween are the photos I edited and saved to put online so they are small files, low-res.


why did I answer the door?

Ugh.  I should know better.  We don’t know anyone here, the kids are all in school and I’m not expecting packages.  Why did I answer the door?  There’s only one thing it could be: missionaries.  Or in this case super fundamental religious people trying to sell books.

I was happily watching the commentary on the first episode of Farscape and knitting up a little stuffed animal for my Meagan’s friend (it’s her birthday today and we have no money for gifts).  Even though my husband went in to work today I’ve had limited time to just relax and enjoy my day without noise and distractions.  I had to walk to the store again today so that took an hour and cleaning up the house and lunch.  Jack laid down at like 1pm and I threw a load of laundry in and sat down to watch and knit.  Hubby gets home at 2:30 and Meagan at 3pm.  I wanted to get this animal done before then.

And then the doorbell rings.  These people start off as if they’re touting healthy living, show me a cook book.  And then move on to Bibles and god and blah, blah, blah.  There’s no opportunity to tell them I’m not interested, they just keep blabbering on.  Finally they ask me if I’m interested in the books which were all super Christian and probably full of factual errors and I said, “no.”  And then the guy (who was super nice, they both were) asks why and I’m like I’m just not into religion.  So he asks, “but you still believe in god,” like the thought of meeting anyone that doesn’t is just beyond him.

How do these people find me.  At least the Jehovah’s Witnesses leave after 30 seconds if you tell them you’re not interested.  Unlike the Mormon boys that acosted me on the street last week.  I’m trying to get home in time for the kids to get off the bus, it’s hotter than hell, I was sick and in a bad mood to begin with.  They crossed the street to start preaching to me and when I said I wasn’t interested they kept pressing me.  For a full block they badgered me to take their card and listen to their word.  How much plainer can I get than, “I AM NOT INTERESTED”?

And now these people.  Once they found out I didn’t believe in their god the preaching started.  The girl (again, super sweet young girl from the Ukraine) starts going on and on about creation science and how it makes so much more sense than evolution.  I could tell just from talking to them that they are completely clueless as to what evolution really is.  The fact that they mention “the big bang” theory was enough to know they didn’t understand what the hell they were talking about.  It took every ounce of will power not to roll my eyes.

Up until now I’d only met these people online.  Now I know they really do exist in the real world.  But, they left shortly after that when they realized they weren’t going to sway me but they were giving me all this pity like they felt sorry I didn’t see their god the way they did and my life must be so horrible.  Whatever.

The whole time all I could think was why couldn’t Jack wake up NOW.  Then I’d have an excuse to leave.  They sure couldn’t read body language because everything about my stance screamed “really not interested in this.”

They finally leave and I go back inside to find my commentary is in the credits.  Grrr.  I had gotten to the point where Aeryn is “irrevocably contaminated” and they are detained by the Peacekeepers.  Only to come back and the show is over.  Shows how long they kept me captive and I’m too nice to just tell them to get lost.

Then I have my husband texting me wanting me to make dinner to be ready when he gets home at 2:30.  For crying out loud, dinner isn’t until 5pm.

Now he’ll be home in a half hour and I didn’t get an freaking time to myself.  And I have a migraine.  Grrr.

[again: I have no issue with religious people I just wish they’d leave me the hell alone.]

life, writing

not freaking out

Not freaking out here.  I swear.  Just baffled at my luck.

I’ve got a story due tomorrow.

It’s mostly done but I wanted to finish it last night.  So at 10:30 I went into my room to write.  But I had 2 baskets of laundry to put away so I figured since I make the kids work before play I better get them put up.  That took a bit.  I wrote a few pages but realized I was so freaking tired I could barely think straight.  I kept zoning out and find myself just staring at a point on the page but not writing.

I finally gave up and started washing up for bed.  Climbed in around midnight and went right to sleep.  Figured if I got a good night’s sleep (unlike the going to bed at 2am and being woken at 8am…not doing well with the 6 hours of sleep).  But of course my life is never that easy.

Jack woke me twice last night.  Once around 3am and once at 5am.  He went back to sleep on his own but he whined for 10 minutes each time which woke me up.  Ugh.  Then he decided to get up at 6:45am.  Geesh.  So even though I went to bed early I still only got about 6 hours of sleep.

On top of that I get up with him to find my husband called off of work because his back is hurting so he’s home and the TV is on and my eyes are burning so I can’t write.  Oy.  Why!

I really wanted to finish this challenge.  I like the story I came up with but it’s running really long.  I know I can finish it but I’m going to have to take a nap and that cuts into the hours I can be doing other stuff (still have to clean the kitchen, there’s cooking dinner, we need to run to the grocery store).  Limited hours in the day.

Very frustrated right now.  I’m still hoping to have it done by tonight so I can polish it up and post it tomorrow (it’s not due until 9pm my time so I have most of tomorrow to finish it, too).  And I still have to edit my friendathon story.  That’s going to need to be posted soon.

I’m frustrated with myself, too, because I keep getting distracted with things when I know I should be working.  Naughty me.  🙂  Must avoid games on my phone.


The Road to Hell…

You know the saying.  Or, for me, it goes: the road to insanity is paved with “was going to”.  Ugh.

I got up this morning and knew the weather was going to be gorgeous.  Which meant I could legitimately kick the kids out of the house so they could enjoy it.  In fact it was easier than normal since their friends all showed up just before lunch and off they went.  I was planning on tackling some writing for my landcomms because I’ve been skipping a bunch of challenges trying to destress about them (even forgot a couple were do last night).  I was feeling pretty good.  Figured I’d get them out the door, quickly clean up the kitchen, maybe have some lunch, set Jack outside to play with his new sand/water table and then sit here and write a bit–something short and easy that wouldn’t take too much effort.

Of course nothing is ever that easy for me.  First the kids were making a huge mess getting lunch.  I finally had to go in there and diffuse the situation before there was food everywhere.  I open the fridge to get something for Jack and a freaking soda can falls out of the door (care of my 8yo and 5yo girls who put a bunch in for me) and lands on the big toe of my right foot.  OUCH!  I’m hopping around the kitchen in tears trying not to cuss because it hurt so freaking bad.  I was sure it was broken and after a few seconds I actually couldn’t even feel my toe.

The kids were all upset and helped me to my desk and propped my foot up (which started bleeding around the nail where the can landed), got me something to drink… and then left a honkin’ huge mess for me to clean up.  Eventually the pain subsided some and I was able to walk although I can’t really put any weight on that toe.  I straighten up the kitchen, clean up the baby and set him to play while the other kids run off.  Except my oldest, Meagan.

She decides to go in the back yard and mess with the sand box.  She, of course, knocks the leg off of it.  That’s partially my fault because I didn’t screw them all on.  I wanted to make sure the thing was actually water tight before I pushed 3″ long screws into plastic.  Grr.  So Jack’s throwing a fit because he wants to go outside and needs a diaper change and there’s sand pouring out of the table from where the leg was and my foot is killing me.  I finally get Jack changed and just decide to put him to bed because he was so cranky.  I toss Meagan out on her butt (actually she ran for it because I was so mad, lol).  Then I set about trying to fix the sandbox.  I had to empty 22lbs of sand from it and then put in all the screws (8 3″ ones and 8 2.25″ ones.

All I freaking wanted to do was relax and get some writing done while the kids were off playing (which won’t last all day) and my husband was at work (and he’s due home in, oh, an hour now).  I get half way done with the screws and look up to see what looks like a hornet hovering around the umbrella by our deck chairs.  I’m allergic to bees (I think–last time I got stung my leg swelled up so much I couldn’t bend my knee) so I avoid things that sting.  It was staying away so I just watched it.  Then another came.  Huh.  Then I noticed one come back again.  Great.  Just what I need.  I look over my shoulder and their freaking building a nest under the roof overhang, just feet away from me, next to the patio door.  Argh.

It’s really tiny right now (about the size of a golf ball) but I’m sure as hell not trying to get rid of it.  Since there were only a handful of insects and they were ignoring me I continued with the screws.  Got them all in and now have a huge blister on my one thumb which is making typing hard because that’s the thumb I use to hit the space bar (I’ve never been able to train myself to use the other one).  And, of course, when I finally did sit down after all that my internet connection was done.  Had to reset my modem/router to get it back.

So here it is, 3 hours after I woke up with all sorts of good intentions regarding my writing and challenges.  I’ve gotten nothing done, have a bruised and busted up toe, a huge blister on a finger, still haven’t eaten, have a hornet nest to worry about, 2 of the kids came back already (one complaining of a tummy ache), the baby will probably be up pretty soon and I’m just beyond frustrated.  My husband will be home in an hour and then the TV will go on or he’ll play video games which means he’ll be screaming at the game and I won’t be able to concentrate.  And I still haven’t cleaned the kitchen and there’s laundry that has to get done.  I was going to sit outside and write a bit because it’s really nice (73F and sunny) but not with the hornets even if they are going to leave me alone.

Why does everything have to be so freaking difficult?

Damn good intentions.


blocked and depressed

Writer’s block sucks.

Not sure why I’m depressed (other than it’s my natural state of being but I’m feeling more down than usual and don’t know why) but the writer’s block isn’t helping.  I was feeling great all day yesterday while we were at the zoo (for Jack’s birthday) even though my brother couldn’t find a parking spot to come hang out with us and I had some kind of sudden onset sinus pain that lasted an hour (with nothing to take for it).  Then we got home and did the cake and presents and then I started feeling down.  It’s not the birthday, though (that was fun and exciting and I’m happy my little guy is growing up).

I know my wedding ring is part of it.  I got us new bands for our anniversary in January but a couple months ago I started to have some kind of allergic reaction to mine.  Every time I wear it my finger gets all inflamed, red, itchy and I get blisters all over the one side.  I thought it was from getting water under it (it’s a wide band) and having it sit but even when I put it on for a few minutes my finger starts itching.  It just makes me so mad that I can’t wear my damn ring.

Then my oldest daughter got her ears pierced the other day and they are looking infected.  So I feel sad for her because she really wanted them done and now her ears are hurting her and there isn’t much I can do for her.  We can’t take her to the doctor until Monday.  She’s being a trooper but I know they are bothering her and it’s bugging her that hers got infected but her 8yo sister (who only got hers pierced because she was there and hubby dared her–I wasn’t there) is fine.

Blah.  I can’t seem to cheer up at all.

I’m thinking about quitting all my writing challenges.  I’m so completely blocked right now I can’t even imagine a story in my head.  I try and nothing comes to me.  I haven’t written anything in days (actually can’t remember the last time I wrote anything).  And it’s not just writing.  I can’t do any art stuff either.  😦

So having all my writing challenges hanging over my head is stressing me out and making me more depressed.  But I hate quitting.  Makes me feel like a failure.  Ugh.